My wants for your wants:

It is almost midnight and yet I lay awake with a thousand questions racing in my head. Why Lord would you bring me to a place where I love the people only to take me out of that place and call me to another? I get real with God! I tell Him that there are times where I don't want to go. I know that I may not know the dream, but I know the dream giver. I tell him sometimes I wish I could just have that car, that job, and just live my life. I say all this and I realize that all that is nice, but it is no where near what He has for me. 2007 I gave all that up. I gave up doing what I want for the dream and desires that God has called me to do. I sometimes think how easy it would be to have that full time job, car, and serve in church twice a month, but that is not what He's asked me to do, and I know it.

You see when God puts a call on your life, and I don't mean your plans for ministry, but I mean when He completely transforms your wants to be His hearts desires. When you stop chasing the dream/promise and you are focused on whatever will lead you closer to Jesus, then nothing else matters. 

 Sure we all have those days where we want the easy escape. When you choose the life where the Lord has complete authority to interrupt your plans because He needs you to do something that's not easy! We are human and we still want our own wants, but the difference is there is no peace in what we want. When we choose to give up the key to our lives and the pen that writes our story, He can and will do incredible things. Yes this is a choice, but even when I feel lonely or afraid of what I believe He's leading me to do I know it is worth it. In 2007 I sat in a youth conference with a broken heart and passion to chase after God with everything I had because I knew I was nothing without Him, and I knew He was asking me to live a life with higher standards then most. I knew He for whatever reason He was asking me if I'd be willing to surrender my heart and my life for the cause of leading people closer to Jesus Christ. In that I would not live the same as most my family and friends. I would not share the same entertainment or standards as many. This has been very lonely because many do not understand.  I have to say in the different seasons of my life since then it has been everything but easy. The past several years have been painful, stretching, and absolutely beautiful. I have received healing like I never thought. I've heard His voice speak to the depths of my heart. I have seen Him lead me to a set apart life and He has shown me the beauty in the loneliness, because with Him I am never alone.

When you have fully given your life over to the Lord and what He has for you, then you embark on a journey, and it doesn't matter where He takes you because you know He is already there, It's a journey and it is worth taking. If He is calling you out, then don't waste another second. GO! Go after Him because He is the only one who will never let you down. Let Him write your story. We all will face a furnace season, but remember that you will not come out burned. You are the clay on the Potter's wheel and the Potter never puts the clay in the kiln if it is has excess clay remaining, without being formed and shaped. He knows what that process is going to take and it can't be rushed.

The cry of my heart as I have walked through these flames is "Here I am Lord send me wherever you need me to go!" I don't know how I even have the strength to stand, but I praise God that He has brought restoration and healing into my life. It's not about look where I am, or what I have done. I share because He desperately longs for everyone of His children to trust Him. I am a work in progress and I am far from perfect. I desire to be a Christian that bares the fruit of Christ. A woman of her word, who can hold her words, great strength, patience, determination, giving, bold, courageous, and I want to be the best servant he's created me to be. Many times when I surrender my plans for his I am bawling like a baby because I don't have the answers, but I have peace in knowing He does. These are His stories and not our own!

Isaiah 43:1-2 (NASB)
But now, thus says the Lord, your Creator, O Jacob,
And He who formed you, O Israel,
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name; you are Mine!
2 “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they will not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched,
Nor will the flame burn you.