A story worth writing!
As young woman you dream of finding that "the one" the boy who could be your forever and not your just now. I have encountered many who are believing for the man God has put in their heart, but just like anything in life it is a journey. Some good, some bad, and many lessons learned.
I have encountered a journey which I believe God has chosen to speak to me through. I may not know the ending, but I can share the experience along the way. In 2007 I was in a relationship with a guy who in my heart I would do anything for, but what God had for me was completely different. You see God gave me a very clear picture and desire of what this man will be like. His character and even desires of his heart, but I won't share those here. I quickly knew in my heart it was over and I had to choose what do I want more this man, or the a man that God would teach how to love me? I was challenged to let this go, but my spirit didn't even question it. After choosing time and time again the wrong ones, I asked God to take this area of my life and for him to write my story. The Lord spoke to my heart and asked me if I would Wait for at Least a year and not pursue anything or anyone; allow him to break me and mold me into the woman He has created me to be, and eventually the wife and mother to my future husband and children. Of course in my mind God literally meant 1 year. I was young and I had no idea the journey that was just getting started; the rough draft. It's funny because next thing I know I am totally on fire and focused, and then this guy who is mirror glimpses of what's in my heart starts to come around. Of course now I knew God said at Least 1 year, and it wasn't even a few weeks. I needed healing and not to be distracted, any ways long story short. I started to question if he could be it and praying him away. Soon it turned out that I started to believe there was something there, but he denied it.
The distraction gone. Several months later my ex boyfriend continued to try and come in the picture. What is going on? My whole life was taking drastic turns and I ended up moving 5 hours away. I started diving in to this small country church and serving in the youth ministry. I had so many dreams for the group. Then again here comes this guy who gives me yet a glimpse of my dream. I will put it this way I started to believe God was speaking to me, but I wasn't clearly hearing what he was fully telling me. After again I led my heart on it was over. During this time God really got a hold of my heart and started to teach me how to hear his voice. I was hungry for more of God, and for old wounds to be healed. I put my heart out there by taking counsel which now that I look back, I know wasn't the best. A young woman should guard her heart and allow that man to pursue.
Almost two years later; God moves me as He tells me " I have more for you."
He brought me to a new church where I was thrown (literally) in to the youth ministry. I loved every moment with the kids. My relationship with God was growing and things where being revealed that were setting me free, and I was starting to hear his voice speak to me about this man, this man that I have never met but love with a love that I don't understand let alone explain. Of course as I started to listen there was young man who entered my life that I believed whole heartedly he was who the Lord had been showing me for years; except there was no pursuit. The one thing I know God has told me is I will know who this man is because he will consistently pursue my heart, and he will tell me with his mouth how he is being led. As I surrendered every thought and every word I believed the Lord was saying, and every prophesy that was spoken; my faith grew. I thought if I could believe all this and see some of it start to blossom (the little things) then I can believe God would tell me who this man is. This was a journey of true faith believing for something that in my flesh told me was impossible. I believed until I watched that man walk his true bride down the aisle. I told God I don't know what you are trying to show me, but I believe you are speaking to me; I had seen too much of what he was speaking come in alignment, even though I didn't understands.
I let fear over take me. I let doubt block me from hearing the holy spirit, and I stopped believing God would speak to me. Then he brought another incredible man of God into my life just to teach me. I was able to share with him everything I was believing and how it all just completely changed. I was deeply encouraged by this friend, but I knew he wasn't for me. I do not know how to explain this journey, or even why God would reveal things to me about my brother's in Christ. Many will argue with me, but there has been so many times I have been woken up in the middle of the night to pray for my brother's future bride to come. I am not even kidding when I say that several months later, and for one a few years; they meet her. Every man the Lord has laid on my heart as of today is either married or engaged.
As this journey progressed and I started to lay down my doubt and fear that I was hearing him wrong he started to reveal more understanding. I ended up moving back to Chicago in 2011. Every year since 2007 that same old boy friend would contact me, well right before I moved back...He went away. I told God that I long for his desires, and if the desires on my heart were not what he has for me, then take them away. I started Bible school and once again the Holy spirit starts speaking to me about "this man" and he used a brother in the Lord to do it. Later He revealed understanding to what the holy spirit was showing me, because a year later he was married. I use all these men of God as examples as God has been revealing to my heart HIS desires for me. There was a lot of confusion I allowed to over take me, heartache, and stress, but that was never God's intentions. EVER!
In 2013 God had given me the word "Just One Kiss". I tried with everything inside me to hold that, but I soon fell very short. I walked through the fire that year. I was walking in the flames, and giving up on every desire the Lord has put in my heart. I have shared further my story from that year in another blog, but praise God for restoration. I told God that I just want to sit at his feet and take in every word he speaks even if I don't understand it. I picked up the pen and I kept writing. I kept listening and I was healing. God was showing me how to not be afraid of what I do not understand, but how to trust him. Just last spring the Lord told me to take out all those journals I have been so afraid to open and start typing up every word He has ever had me write down. I was terrified to do this, but as I continued to write He continued to bring ALL every single piece of the puzzle together. I always thought He was talking to me about these guys and I was believing they were my love story, but really he was using me to intercede and believe for the desires of my brother's hearts. Everything written did happen just not in the exact way I thought or pictured. I realized God was teaching me through this whole journey to get me to that place in time. That summer I was again challenged to open my heart in a way I didn't fully want to, but it just started to blossom. There was an incredible man who started to pursue me with a God desired intent. I learned a lot, and my faith was challenged to stand firm and believe the holy spirit over anything anyone else was saying. I did and though that was for a season I believe God is using it.
I share all of this because I meet so many young woman who are believing for a husband, and though this has been a very long journey; I have learned so much. You see we always make this journey about a man, but it's about learning to trust the one who created "the man". As single ladies God wants to show us what a heavenly pursuit looks like. He wants to teach us how to hear his voice, and be obedient. I have heard so many woman say I believe this guy is my husband. So many! Here is what God has taught me over the years and these stories. If he is, then let HIM do it. Let God write that story. Have your eyes on His word and His Love for you, and He will write a love story that is worth being written. Do not pursue. Do not chase after a man. Do not let your heart get entangled in believing something when God is trying to show you something completely different. Whatever you do, don't let go of the desire He has given you, surrender it in to his hands, but don't ever stop believing. If it aligns with the Word, then believe Him. In the mean time if that man where truly called to be your husband; he'd be at your door. Nothing would be able to stop him from getting to know you. If he doesn't even know you, then baby girl let it go. Take time away and really ask God to reveal himself to you. Also do not let the dogs into the palace. I have met and given my heart to too many dogs in some shape or form, and what God has for his daughter's is a GOOD. A beautiful perfect gift that will fit your heart perfectly. A mighty man of Valor. Someone who loves God more then he could ever love you. A man of obedience to the Holy spirit, and a man who loves God's people. Let God shape and mold you into the Daughter He has created you to be, and don't worry about the timing; he created Time! The Lord ask me if I was willing to wait at LEAST One year to allow him to break me and mold me together. Here is what he meant! He wanted to know if I would give him the time to do what HE needed to do in order to prepare me for that man. The key word was not 1, or even year. The key word which I didn't understand until a few years after is LEAST. AT LEAST one year. It has been seven years since that afternoon in Orlando Florida, where he spoke that to my heart. You know what? He is still working on me, because I want to be ready for him! Trust Him, let go of the pen, and allow him to write the greatest story worth writing... The Love story between A True Bridegroom and her prince.
I have encountered a journey which I believe God has chosen to speak to me through. I may not know the ending, but I can share the experience along the way. In 2007 I was in a relationship with a guy who in my heart I would do anything for, but what God had for me was completely different. You see God gave me a very clear picture and desire of what this man will be like. His character and even desires of his heart, but I won't share those here. I quickly knew in my heart it was over and I had to choose what do I want more this man, or the a man that God would teach how to love me? I was challenged to let this go, but my spirit didn't even question it. After choosing time and time again the wrong ones, I asked God to take this area of my life and for him to write my story. The Lord spoke to my heart and asked me if I would Wait for at Least a year and not pursue anything or anyone; allow him to break me and mold me into the woman He has created me to be, and eventually the wife and mother to my future husband and children. Of course in my mind God literally meant 1 year. I was young and I had no idea the journey that was just getting started; the rough draft. It's funny because next thing I know I am totally on fire and focused, and then this guy who is mirror glimpses of what's in my heart starts to come around. Of course now I knew God said at Least 1 year, and it wasn't even a few weeks. I needed healing and not to be distracted, any ways long story short. I started to question if he could be it and praying him away. Soon it turned out that I started to believe there was something there, but he denied it.
The distraction gone. Several months later my ex boyfriend continued to try and come in the picture. What is going on? My whole life was taking drastic turns and I ended up moving 5 hours away. I started diving in to this small country church and serving in the youth ministry. I had so many dreams for the group. Then again here comes this guy who gives me yet a glimpse of my dream. I will put it this way I started to believe God was speaking to me, but I wasn't clearly hearing what he was fully telling me. After again I led my heart on it was over. During this time God really got a hold of my heart and started to teach me how to hear his voice. I was hungry for more of God, and for old wounds to be healed. I put my heart out there by taking counsel which now that I look back, I know wasn't the best. A young woman should guard her heart and allow that man to pursue.
Almost two years later; God moves me as He tells me " I have more for you."
He brought me to a new church where I was thrown (literally) in to the youth ministry. I loved every moment with the kids. My relationship with God was growing and things where being revealed that were setting me free, and I was starting to hear his voice speak to me about this man, this man that I have never met but love with a love that I don't understand let alone explain. Of course as I started to listen there was young man who entered my life that I believed whole heartedly he was who the Lord had been showing me for years; except there was no pursuit. The one thing I know God has told me is I will know who this man is because he will consistently pursue my heart, and he will tell me with his mouth how he is being led. As I surrendered every thought and every word I believed the Lord was saying, and every prophesy that was spoken; my faith grew. I thought if I could believe all this and see some of it start to blossom (the little things) then I can believe God would tell me who this man is. This was a journey of true faith believing for something that in my flesh told me was impossible. I believed until I watched that man walk his true bride down the aisle. I told God I don't know what you are trying to show me, but I believe you are speaking to me; I had seen too much of what he was speaking come in alignment, even though I didn't understands.
I let fear over take me. I let doubt block me from hearing the holy spirit, and I stopped believing God would speak to me. Then he brought another incredible man of God into my life just to teach me. I was able to share with him everything I was believing and how it all just completely changed. I was deeply encouraged by this friend, but I knew he wasn't for me. I do not know how to explain this journey, or even why God would reveal things to me about my brother's in Christ. Many will argue with me, but there has been so many times I have been woken up in the middle of the night to pray for my brother's future bride to come. I am not even kidding when I say that several months later, and for one a few years; they meet her. Every man the Lord has laid on my heart as of today is either married or engaged.
As this journey progressed and I started to lay down my doubt and fear that I was hearing him wrong he started to reveal more understanding. I ended up moving back to Chicago in 2011. Every year since 2007 that same old boy friend would contact me, well right before I moved back...He went away. I told God that I long for his desires, and if the desires on my heart were not what he has for me, then take them away. I started Bible school and once again the Holy spirit starts speaking to me about "this man" and he used a brother in the Lord to do it. Later He revealed understanding to what the holy spirit was showing me, because a year later he was married. I use all these men of God as examples as God has been revealing to my heart HIS desires for me. There was a lot of confusion I allowed to over take me, heartache, and stress, but that was never God's intentions. EVER!
In 2013 God had given me the word "Just One Kiss". I tried with everything inside me to hold that, but I soon fell very short. I walked through the fire that year. I was walking in the flames, and giving up on every desire the Lord has put in my heart. I have shared further my story from that year in another blog, but praise God for restoration. I told God that I just want to sit at his feet and take in every word he speaks even if I don't understand it. I picked up the pen and I kept writing. I kept listening and I was healing. God was showing me how to not be afraid of what I do not understand, but how to trust him. Just last spring the Lord told me to take out all those journals I have been so afraid to open and start typing up every word He has ever had me write down. I was terrified to do this, but as I continued to write He continued to bring ALL every single piece of the puzzle together. I always thought He was talking to me about these guys and I was believing they were my love story, but really he was using me to intercede and believe for the desires of my brother's hearts. Everything written did happen just not in the exact way I thought or pictured. I realized God was teaching me through this whole journey to get me to that place in time. That summer I was again challenged to open my heart in a way I didn't fully want to, but it just started to blossom. There was an incredible man who started to pursue me with a God desired intent. I learned a lot, and my faith was challenged to stand firm and believe the holy spirit over anything anyone else was saying. I did and though that was for a season I believe God is using it.
I share all of this because I meet so many young woman who are believing for a husband, and though this has been a very long journey; I have learned so much. You see we always make this journey about a man, but it's about learning to trust the one who created "the man". As single ladies God wants to show us what a heavenly pursuit looks like. He wants to teach us how to hear his voice, and be obedient. I have heard so many woman say I believe this guy is my husband. So many! Here is what God has taught me over the years and these stories. If he is, then let HIM do it. Let God write that story. Have your eyes on His word and His Love for you, and He will write a love story that is worth being written. Do not pursue. Do not chase after a man. Do not let your heart get entangled in believing something when God is trying to show you something completely different. Whatever you do, don't let go of the desire He has given you, surrender it in to his hands, but don't ever stop believing. If it aligns with the Word, then believe Him. In the mean time if that man where truly called to be your husband; he'd be at your door. Nothing would be able to stop him from getting to know you. If he doesn't even know you, then baby girl let it go. Take time away and really ask God to reveal himself to you. Also do not let the dogs into the palace. I have met and given my heart to too many dogs in some shape or form, and what God has for his daughter's is a GOOD. A beautiful perfect gift that will fit your heart perfectly. A mighty man of Valor. Someone who loves God more then he could ever love you. A man of obedience to the Holy spirit, and a man who loves God's people. Let God shape and mold you into the Daughter He has created you to be, and don't worry about the timing; he created Time! The Lord ask me if I was willing to wait at LEAST One year to allow him to break me and mold me together. Here is what he meant! He wanted to know if I would give him the time to do what HE needed to do in order to prepare me for that man. The key word was not 1, or even year. The key word which I didn't understand until a few years after is LEAST. AT LEAST one year. It has been seven years since that afternoon in Orlando Florida, where he spoke that to my heart. You know what? He is still working on me, because I want to be ready for him! Trust Him, let go of the pen, and allow him to write the greatest story worth writing... The Love story between A True Bridegroom and her prince.
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